Have you ever had unconfessed sin that keeps nagging at your spirit? When you're doing something that is "pleasing" to God, such as morning devotions? Happened this morning, had to stop, take a walk, and write this.


Some context: The 1662 Book of Common Prayer begins every morning and evening with a call to acknowledge sin, confessing the sin to God, repenting of that sin, and being reminded of God's pardon, absolution, and restoration. It is a beautiful and powerful part of this devotional method. Beautiful because of it is well-written, Biblically meaty, and unapologetically true. Powerful for the same reasons and (IMO) its effectiveness.


The effectiveness is getting to me right now so much that I'm fighting even reading or listening to it! A few years ago I said some ugly and wretched things to someone who (again, IMO) hurt me and treated my family poorly, but in those words I accused him of things that weren't totally true and cursed him. I would love to write this off as Satan bringing up old sin, but I know in my heart this isn't Satan. I wouldn't be surprised if Satan would like for me to forget it.


Whether it's God or my own mind, I believe God is using it to draw me to repentance. Truth is, though, I don't want to. I don't like that man, and I don't appreciate the people who rejected my family and I in favor of him. The same people who once had no problems going out of their way to talk to me when I'm out and about now acting like they don't even see me.


Am I denying God's work in my life? Am I rejecting Him, even blaspheming Him? I hope not, but I know He's still working on me.

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